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 Love, Courtship, and Relation

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PostSubject: Love, Courtship, and Relation   Thu Jul 05, 2007 4:10 pm

i know somebody is expert on this topic red is love

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PostSubject: Re: Love, Courtship, and Relation   Thu Jul 05, 2007 7:06 pm

I read this and I think it is worth sharing.. It is quite long so I decided to post 1 secret at a time. I will keep it coming!



“Divorce? Never. Murder? Often!”
[/b]
Entering matrimony with the mindset that “divorce is not an option” is vital for the long-term success of marriage, say the Marriage Masters (a term we
gave couples who have been happily married over 40 years). They went on
to explain that this kind of mindset allows a couple to see solutions
to marriage’s boiling points — and trust us, not one of our interviewee
couples avoided such periods of relational strife — which would have
otherwise been overlooked simply because one eye was too busy examining
exit strategies.

Marriage Masters simplify this into one word: Commitment. And they’re quick to point out that commitment is the virtue sorely missing from today’s marriages. That said, there are deal breakers that very few of our interviewed couples advocated working through. These are known as the three A’s — addiction, adultery, and abuse. A marriage overwhelmed by any of these three issues is unhealthy, plain and simple, and the Marriage Masters suggest that if you find yourself overwhelmed with any of the three A’s, take care of yourself (and your safety) first, and the marriage second. In the end, the old saying holds true: where your attention goes, energy flows. So the next time you’re facing a mountain in your marriage,
focus on the next foothold and soon enough you’ll find yourself over
the top.

To summarize, if you do not love the person, and you are marrying just for another reason, better forget about it. And thus preventing yourself from sleeping through a nightmare.
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PostSubject: Re: Love, Courtship, and Relation   Fri Jul 06, 2007 3:40 pm

As promised, this is the second step.. Read on. I hope some persons could apply this to their relationships.
After all, there is only one thing we are after...


BEING LOVED BY THAT SOMEONE WE DEVOUTED OUR LIFE TO. AND BE APPRECIATED FOR ALL THAT WE ARE, FLAWS, WEAKNESSES AND ALL THE THINGS THAT MAKES US WHO WE REALLY ARE.



2. “There’s no such thing as a perfect marriage, only perfect moments.”
We were shocked to discover how much work went into creating a great marriage. We’d always figured, “Hey, I’ll just find my soul mate and things will naturally fall into place after that ... we’ll live happily ever after.” Um, not so fast, one Marriage Master wife said with a certain look that meant business. “Whoever said being soul mates was going to be easy?” Her husband of 52 years nodded, then added, “Marriage is a bed of roses, thorns and all.”

Any time two individuals live together (especially over 40 years) there are bound to be annoying, irritating, and frustrating experiences. But whether it’s the toothpaste cap, toilet seat, snoring, or the last-minute pull-the-car-over-to-check-the-score-of-the-game-at-the-local-bar move, one thing is for sure: the best marriages are served with an extra helping of acceptance for one another’s peccadilloes. “And that’s the beauty of marriage,” said Maurice, another Marriage Master. “All of our individualities, all of our wonderful differences. You gotta have friction. You can’t get any heat without friction.”

We would do well, they say, to expect non-perfection; practice patience and give the acceptance we want in return. There’s no doubt that this is hard work, but judging by the end result, it’s well worth the effort.


..Skyflyergirl..Sad
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PostSubject: Re: Love, Courtship, and Relation   Thu Jul 12, 2007 12:30 am

[center][size=7] [center]Let us skip that topic as I find it too boring. lmfao

I am posting a new one, that could be of more use to us who are below the age of 35. Let the older ones worry about their relationships. HaHaHa Otherwise, they are called experts by that time. lol!



7 Steps to More Realistic Expectations





[size=12]

cyclops Accept your own expectations -- and your partner's.


These hopes and dreams -- and even the "you shoulds" -- are signs of deep needs. Your marriage cannot meet them all, but writing them off will leave each of you feeling unaccepted, alone, resentful. Mahirap kasi na minsan, we expect too much, we thought that marriage should be perfect. But, in all reality, we do know that it is not. Although, we need to try to meet them. The feeling is wonderful when you knew you have made that person you love very happy.




cyclops Be realistic about what you do ask for.


Your spouse probably can't bring you coffee in bed each morning, prop up your self-image three times a day, or never start an argument. She probably can share the cooking and meal cleanup, spend more quality time with you, and learn to squeeze the toothpaste tube from the bottom a little more often. Agreeing to some realistic expectations creates a win-win situation and a buoyant feeling of success. Why are we always dreaming that the relationship will be similar to what we see in the movies? And we just end up being hurt in the end.




cyclops See what you can do yourself.


Nicolle Hawthorne couldn't quit her job and laze under the maple tree with a good novel after she married, but she realized she could look for a lower-stress job that would let her enjoy her marriage. A year later, she'd changed jobs and had more time for her marriage and ultimately a family. There are more important things than money and properties.




cyclops Grieve what you can't have.


One of the toughest jobs in marriage is accepting that some items on your must-have list will never be fulfilled by your partner -- simply because he or she isn't perfect, and also because he or she isn't obligated to be your personal fairy godmother. "When you really want something that is just not going to happen, you can either sulk, get angry, or do what every couple needs to do over the long term: grieve the losses that come with commitment," say University of Denver marriage experts Howard J. Markman, Ph.D., and Scott M. Stanley, Ph.D., and psychologist Susan L. Blumberg, Ph.D., in their book Fighting for Your Marriage. Accepting your marriage and your mate despite imperfections is a long-term practice necessary for a happy, healthy relationship.





cyclops Use disappointment as a signal of unconscious expectations.



When you feel disappointed in your marriage or your spouse, pause and think about what you expected. This builds awareness of the expectations guiding your attitudes and actions. Is your expectation reasonable? Is it better met on your own?




cyclops Don't compare your spouse to other people's spouses -- or your marriage to other marriages.


Focus on the love, laughter, drama, and struggles in your own world. There's no perfect spouse, no perfect marriage. Resist the temptation to tell yourself "If only he were like my friend's husband" or "If only our marriage were as [fill in the blank] as theirs." Each marriage is unique, with its own highs and lows.

cyclops Look carefully at your expectations for yourself.


This isn't 1965, and you're you—not your mom or your dad. Yet many newlyweds unconsciously expect themselves to be perfect housewives like Mom (even if they have jobs outside the home) or great-provider dads. Same goes for cultural stereotypes about perfect spouses.

When Margaret and Rich Martin got married, their colleagues at a Marietta, Georgia, newspaper gave them a grill that led Rich to an "aha" moment about his own expectations for himself as a husband. "The grill wasn't assembled. You had to put it together," he recalls. "I remember sitting there at our apartment getting madder and madder. Margaret tried to give me advice about putting it together, but obviously I didn't want to listen to her. My ego was hurt. I was supposed to be able to do this myself! I'm a klutz at some things, but putting it together was an ego thing."





flower Skyflyergirl
2328H GMT


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PostSubject: Re: Love, Courtship, and Relation   Thu Jul 12, 2007 1:03 am

I am sleepy... I still have 8 more hours to go. I can't wait for all that I will be doing is SLEEP. SLEEP. SLEEP. Sleep
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